As teachers, we are constantly dealing with all types of personalities and issues that arise when young people are doing something as a group. Each age group has its own set of problems that need to be addressed from time to time but in my experience; one of the biggest issues that can arise among young dancers is jealousy. They become jealous of each other because they perceive that a teacher is favoring a particular dancer or because they think that they are not as attractive perhaps, or sometimes it can be for a reason that has absolutely nothing to do with dance but manifests itself in that environment.
Jealousy unchecked can cause havoc with a group of dancers and can put a very negative cloud over all the positive things that you are trying to do for your students. I like the quotation from Johann Kaspar Lavater who said, 'The jealous are possessed by a mad devil and a dull spirit at the same time.' When there is a feeling of jealousy running rampant in a class or rehearsal it will definitely dull everyone’s spirits and the sooner we can address the problem and help our students and very often their parents too, to get over their negative feelings, the better everything will go. Wikipedia explains jealousy in this way, 'Jealousy is a secondary emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values.'
I have found that by talking to the student I am often able to diffuse whatever situation they are jealous over and help the child to realize that it is simply their fears and insecurities that cause them to build up the resentment against a fellow student. The parents however, are sometimes a different story. All parents want the best for their children and it is understandable that when they hear their child moan and groan about perceived injustices in dance they are going to rise up to protective mode. In this day’s society parents want their children to be happy and experience no sense of rejection. Many parents feel guilty because they are both working and do not spend much time during the week with their children and so they want their every moment together to be happy and uncomplicated. It is understandable, but not very realistic and so when their child comes home and complains to them that they are not being featured or someone else is taking their rightful parts the parents feed into it and help the problem escalate instead of understanding it for what it really is. By turning it from a negative to a positive both parents and child find it easier to accept the reality of the situation and are able to turn it all around and use it for what it is, a life lesson.
I never like to justify my choreography with parents and think it is unwise to do so. Parents should not be part of the artistic decisions of any choreography. However, if a dancer is jealous of another’s position in a piece it is sometimes helpful to let them know why a particular dancer was chosen. Perhaps it was for their superior technique or maybe they physically fit the look of the character. Whatever the reason may be, I always like to find a solution to the problem. One positive that can come out of jealousy is that it can help you to identify what you want and what is important to you. The most important thing is to understand exactly why the student is feeling jealous because then it makes it so much easier to attack the problem and move on.
If you can show your students how to deal with these emotions early on it is something that will help them all through their lives. Reinforcing their self worth is the first step. I ask the student to sit down with a pen and paper. Here are some suggestions of ways that I use.
1) Make a list of all your good points as a person.
2) Make a list of all your good points as a dancer.
3) Start a daily journal and write down all the good things about each day.
4) Make a list of things that you want to improve about yourself.
5) Make a list of things that you want to improve about yourself in dance.
6) Make a definite realistic plan of action.
Just seeing something written down helps to reinforce positive feelings and this is really where the change needs to be made. It is hard to be consumed with jealousy when you are feeling positive about yourself. Once a child actually sees on paper that they have good points it is easier for them to see the positive in others. Then they need the plan to help them achieve their goals, without a definite plan nothing will change.
The other side of the spectrum with jealousy is how is the student handling the situation when the jealousy is directed towards them? Some years ago we trained an extremely talented young man. This student had a great work ethic and had all the conditions, both physically and mentally to succeed. I will always remember the day he came to us and asked us to stop correcting him in class. This was a student who thrived on being corrected and applying them. We discovered that he was receiving so much flak from other students who were jealous of him, that he just didn’t want to draw attention to himself or have his teachers single him out. While we understood his dilemma, we sat him down and explained to him that this jealousy was something that he was probably going to come across for the rest of his life and he needed to understand how to cope with it and become a little more thick skinned. We did not stop correcting him in class but it also taught us a lesson of how important it is to connect with each student in the class and find something that they can be singled out for. in a positive way. This is especially helpful when you are dealing with teen students who are agonizingly insecure.
At the end of the day, we are trained as dance teachers but almost always become psychologists too because we invariably see more of the students than their parents do. Dance is an extremely revealing art form in many ways and as a result, our journey with our students is always a challenging and diverse one.
